Illustration of two students in school hallway talking

Illustrations by Carolyn Ridsdale

Debate,

Are Some Kinds of Lies OK?

Or should you always tell the truth?

By Lauren Tarshis and Talia Cowen

From the February 2023 Issue

Lexile: 500L-600L, 600L-700L

Guided Reading Level: S

DRA Level: 40

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Your friend Ben shows up at school with a new haircut. It is not a good haircut. In fact, it looks like Ben’s little sister cut his hair. While wearing a blindfold.

“What do you think?” Ben asks, looking you right in the eyes.

Your heart races. Your mind swirls. It’s clear Ben feels nervous about his look. And you don’t want to hurt his feelings. You should just tell him he looks great, right?

But wait. Wouldn’t that be lying? And isn’t lying wrong? Or are some kinds of lies OK?

Your friend Ben shows up at school with a new haircut. It is not a good haircut. It looks like Ben’s little sister cut his hair.

“What do you think?” Ben asks, looking right at you.

You don’t know what to say. It’s clear Ben feels nervous about his look. And you don’t want to hurt his feelings. You should just tell him he looks great, right?

But wait. Wouldn’t that be lying? And isn’t lying wrong? Or are some kinds of lies OK?

Polite Fibs

Polite Lies

Some would say yes, there’s a difference between a polite fib and a real lie. If you’re lying to protect someone’s feelings—also called a white lie—then some people say that’s OK.

“Your reason for telling a white lie has to be positive,” says Robert Feldman, a professor who studies lying. “It should make the other person feel good about themselves.”

Suppose you told Ben that his haircut is ugly. Sure, you’re telling the truth. But he’d probably be hurt, and he might even be mad at you. A harmless lie to make Ben feel better might be the right thing to do as a friend.

Also, research shows that people who tell white lies are better liked than people who tell harsh truths. In other words, white lies might help your friendships!

“Criticizing others—even if we were being totally honest—can come across as being rude, even mean,” explains Feldman.

Plus, one study shows that people would rather hear a comforting lie than nothing at all. What if you showed up at school with a bad haircut? Wouldn’t you prefer to hear something kind from your friend?

Some would say there’s a difference between a polite lie and a real lie. If you’re lying to help someone feel good, then some people say that’s OK. Those kinds of lies are called white lies.

“Your reason for telling a white lie has to be positive,” says Robert Feldman, who studies lying. “It should make the other person feel good about themselves.”

Imagine you told Ben that his haircut is ugly. Sure, you’re telling the truth. But he’d probably be hurt. He might even be mad at you. A lie to make Ben feel better might be the right thing to do as a friend.

Also, research shows that people who tell white lies are better liked than people who tell mean truths. So white lies might help your friendships!

“Criticizing others—even if we were being totally honest—can come across as being rude, even mean,” explains Feldman.

Plus, one study shows that people would rather hear a kind lie than nothing at all. What if you showed up at school with a bad haircut? Wouldn’t you want to hear something nice from your friend?

Losing Trust

But some people feel that any kind of lie—no matter how small or polite—is bad. Studies show that telling tiny lies makes it easier for us to tell bigger, more harmful ones.

When does lying become harmful? When it’s done to hurt someone on purpose. “If the lie is going to harm another person, that’s not a lie that you should be using,” says Feldman.

You also shouldn’t be telling lies to spare yourself from negative consequences—like faking an illness to skip that math test you didn’t study for.

The thing is, lying can make people lose trust in you. Think again about Ben. He probably knows his new haircut is awful. Imagine that you tell him he looks fantastic. Ben will think that he can’t count on you to be honest. If you lied to him about the haircut, he’ll think you’ll lie to him at other times, some say. Now your friendship is damaged.

Besides, being honest doesn’t mean you have to be rude or hurtful. You can choose your words carefully and be kind. After all, there are many ways to be kind: You could tell Ben his haircut looks really unique or compliment a part of his hairdo that you like. You could even help him find a new hairdresser.

Or go buy him a hat.

But some people feel that any kind of lie is bad. Studies show that telling tiny lies makes it easier for us to tell bigger, more harmful ones.

When does lying become harmful? When it’s done to hurt someone on purpose. “If the lie is going to harm another person, that’s not a lie that you should be using,” says Feldman.

You also shouldn’t be telling lies to avoid unwanted outcomes. For example, you shouldn’t lie to miss a math test you didn’t study for.

The thing is, lying can make people trust you less. Think again about Ben. He probably knows his new haircut is bad. Imagine that you tell him he looks great. Ben will think that he can’t count on you to be honest. If you lied to him about the haircut, he’ll think you’ll lie to him at other times, some say. Now your friendship is damaged.

Besides, being honest doesn’t mean you have to be hurtful. You can choose your words carefully and be kind. After all, there are many ways to be kind: You could say a nice thing about a part of his hairdo that you like. You could even help him find a new hairdresser.

Or go buy him a hat.

Give Your Advice!

Read the article and the letter below by Keisha.
Write Keisha a letter of advice, telling her what she should do. Use information from the article to support your advice.

Give Your Advice!

Read the article and the letter below by Keisha.
Write Keisha a letter of advice, telling her what she should do. Use information from the article to support your advice.

Dear Storyworks,

Our school is having a bake sale next week, and my best friend David just texted me that he wants to bring his “famous” cupcakes. He made them for me once, and I almost threw up. They tasted like old gym socks! Then I found out why: His secret ingredient is mustard.

He’s asking me what I think of his idea. If he brings his cupcakes to the bake sale, the other kids will definitely make fun of him. But I know he’s proud of his baking skills.

What should I do? Should I tell him the truth or a teeny-tiny white lie?

Keisha

Dear Storyworks,

He’s asking me what I think of his idea. If he brings his cupcakes to the bake sale, the other kids will definitely make fun of him. But I know he’s proud of his baking skills.

What should I do? Should I tell him the truth or a teeny-tiny white lie?