Is it Wrong to Cancel Plans?

We’ve all been there: You’ve made plans with a friend, but then something comes up. Maybe another kid invites you over. Or maybe you’re just not in the mood to hang out.

Most of us are taught that when we say we’ll do something, we should stick to it. But what happens when you want—or need—to back out?

We’ve all had this happen: You’ve made plans with a friend. But then something comes up. Maybe another kid invites you over. Or maybe you just don’t feel like hanging out.

Most of us learn we should stick to our plans. But what happens when you want—or need—to back out?

To help you decide, ask yourself some questions. Will canceling plans hurt others? Are you bailing on something that can’t be rescheduled, like a birthday party? And most important, why do you really want to cancel?

Let’s look at a few situations you might find yourself in. Say you agreed to sit with your friend Ava at lunch. But then Angela, a kid you really want to be friends with, asks you to sit with her. Should you ditch Ava for Angela?

In this case, you should probably keep your promise and sit with Ava.

“Not just out of kindness but because it has to do with the kind of person you want to be,” says Phyllis Fagell, a middle school counselor. Ditching someone when you get a better offer is hurtful.

Now, let’s say you planned to play video games with another friend, Charlie. But then an amazing, onetime opportunity comes along—like a ticket to an Olivia Rodrigo concert.

Then what?

In this case, it’s probably OK to cancel. Just be honest. Charlie will likely understand, especially if you’re known for being truthful.

When you cancel, be sure to propose a new time to get together. That way Charlie will know you’re not just blowing him off.

To decide, ask yourself some questions. Will canceling plans hurt others? Are you backing out on a onetime event—like a birthday party? And why do you really want to cancel?

Let’s look at a few situations. Say you agreed to sit with your friend Ava at lunch. But then Angela asks you to sit with her. You really want to be friends with Angela. Should you dump Ava for Angela?

In this case, you should probably keep your promise and sit with Ava.

“Not just out of kindness but because it has to do with the kind of person you want to be,” says a middle school counselor. Switching plans when you get a better offer is hurtful.

Now, let’s say you planned to play video games with your friend Charlie. But then an amazing, onetime chance comes up. For example, a ticket to an Olivia Rodrigo concert.

Then what?

In this case, it’s probably OK to cancel. Just be honest. Charlie will likely understand.

When you cancel, be sure to suggest a new time to get together. That way Charlie will know you care about him.

Of course, there will be times when you want to cancel because of something personal. Maybe you’re stressed out or super-tired.

In this case, the right thing may be to put your well-being first. Taking care of your own needs will help you be a better friend.

Again, be honest about it. You don’t have to explain why you need to cancel if you don’t want to. You can simply say you’re not feeling well and you won’t be able to make it.

But remember: If you’re always backing out at the last minute, your friends may not be so understanding.

After all, keeping your word means you’re someone who can be trusted.

Of course, sometimes you’ll want to cancel because of something personal. Maybe you’re stressed out or super-tired.

In this case, the right thing may be to put your well-being first. Taking care of your own needs will help you be a better friend.

Again, be honest about it. You don’t have to explain why you need to cancel. You can simply say you’re not feeling well. You won’t be able to make it.

But remember this. If you’re always backing out, your friends may not be so understanding.

After all, keeping your word means you can be trusted.